I have spit up on my clothes and breast milk in my fridge. At least it’s not my breast milk. Because that would be weird and I’d have some explaining to do.

First, I’m not dead. Good to know. Well for me anyway. Second, I haven’t quit this project – but to say that I’ve stalled out is an understatement. I’m that rusted out heap in Hooterville sitting on blocks in the front yard. Not pretty. Third, it’s May – mid May at that.

Unfortunately, this brief hiatus is not due to the fact that I’ve been resting, reading and puttering in the garden. (All of which would be awesome!) I’ve been working and working and taking care of the Dot. She is a beautiful, wonderful, amazing time suck of epic proportions. The problem with Grammy day care (aside from the fact that it’s only for a few weeks) is that Marina is fun. And when she is here I want to hang out with her and play and cuddle and sing and giggle. She is an excellent giggler. Which of course means when she is not here, I have to do all the things I wasn’t doing when she was. Bummer. I hate those things. I think I’m ready to give up my self sufficient hard working ways and become a burden to society. I think I’d be good at it.

The one thing I have been working on for over 3 weeks is my website. See, it’s both new and hopefully improved. But this pointed glaringly to my inability to be an effective and decisive worker bee. Ha. I actually redesigned it twice. Working in a liquid environment, I always think that there is a way to make something better. Cooler. Cleaner. Clearer. Even when I finally finished it I sent an email to a friend to get their opinion – as after all that work, I wasn’t sure. That being said I learned some new things. And while I wasn’t injured, it is safe to say that some of the new things I learned gave me one hell of a headache! The funny thing is I don’t think I’ve ever gotten one single lead from the site. But I guess it’s like brushing your teeth – you gotta do it. It doesn’t look good if you don’t.

So, now that we’ve established that I’m a. not dead and b. haven’t quit and c. that its soon (I hope) to be gardening season…what’s next? The KITCHEN. I think the one downside of the kitchen is that it is mostly done and I’m stuck on a few things. I did the kitchen in about 3 stages. About 10 years after we moved in I met an amazing cabinet maker. So I designed what I wanted and HE measured and built it. I took the old kitchen down myself. An angry woman with a sledge hammer and saws all. But because that was all the money we had I left the old floor we’d put in 3 years earlier and we got laminate counter tops. A couple of years after that I purchased a new stove, microwave and dishwasher. In black- because I thought that stainless was too trendy! Loser. Then about 2 years after that we put in a silestone counter with drop sink (worth every penny) and then pulled up the tile floor and laid wood. We did the floors ourselves. It was stressful.

So here I am with a white refrigerator and mostly bare walls.

The dilemma with the fridge is two fold. One I can’t see putting a giant black box in the room – but I also can’t see adding stainless to an already black kitchen. AND I really can’t see replacing the relatively new appliances. The other problem is the same one I’ve been having throughout this process. Finding something I like that FITS in the space I have. I’d like to find whoever started this “mc mansion” thing and kick his ass. Not everyone needs 3500 sq ft of house. And more to the point not everyone can afford it. But that’s another blog altogether.

The dilemma with the walls is what to do with them. More paint? That would be like 5 coats since we moved in. Wallpaper? What are the odds I’m going to find something I like? Seriously. I’ve been looking. And it all just seems so busy and banal. (didn’t even need the thesaurus for banal, but I did need to look up how to spell thesaurus). I’m beginning to think this whole redecoration project is like running, you only have to stop for a week and you feel completely out of shape. I’ve become energetically challenge and completely ambivalent. How did this happen!

So the goals for the next week are to find a refridge in what? stainless? black? avocado green? in the right width and depth that’s not $2000 AND make a decision about the walls and some kind of art. That seems like a lot, I better start with a nap.